Funny how now when I listen to this song, I don’t think of the past but my current situation. The not-sure-what-the-future-is situation. lol
Anyway, I hope this will be the last time I blog about this.
I still do think of the past once in a while, and that I offered to give this person a family, extended family that he never had, shared my parents and things, my life with him. And after everything this person just decided that “Oh, I shall just move on with life.”
I was wondering why someone would so easily just let me go, vs other guys who cannot accept the breakup easily, and I realised that it isn’t about a guy vs girl thing, but rather, the fact that he didn’t give in emotionally. He is in his own world. Sure, I do know his parents, his sister, his sister’s in-laws, but that was it. Nothing else was shared with me. He doesn’t contact his extended family (despite me encouraging him to, but then again they’re complicated), he doesn’t even want to teach me the cello or guitar (I did ask, in case you guys think I’m like trying to let him try to read my mind – NO). We created our own world, where I think I am more friends with his friends than him.
Sure, he has his friends too, but sad to say, I don’t know his closest friends. On one hand, he kept telling me that they aren’t good people, on the other hand he hangs out with them every week. And he also keeps telling me that they feel he shouldn’t be with me because I always check on him (e.g. asks if he’s home coz he would stay out really late, or remind him to go home earlier because he has church the next day).
But whatever, I found out his lies, and that he lied to me. So I’m not gonna care anymore. I’m quite curious to hear what his friends will say about his new gf. lol.
I’d actually written the above about 1 week ago, and am continuing this now.
2011. What a year definitely. I would say that I wasted 3 years + of my life in a relationship that didn’t have any value in it. Okay, value that I got was definitely what I shouldn’t do in my next relationship, and the people that I shouldn’t be with. Quite sad to say that I definitely wasted a lot of time that I could have used it on better things to do. Sure, we looked and things at the same direction and also encouraged each other, but our lives couldn’t be more different. I was being led by a leash on many things. I spent too much time idling at his house, and he, on his games. There wasn’t any value. I feel that in relationships, we should have created more things together that would make our lives more beneficial, but looking back, there aren’t any.
I remembered Audrey once telling me that she felt that after the 80th anniversary celebrations, her life has been improving. That time I told her that mine went downhill after it, but now, I think it was a turning point and change of karma for me. My life, once that deadlock has been relased, has been improving. Sure, there are hardships, but after that deadlock, there’s nothing that cannot be solved with NMRK. Took me one hard lesson to learn how true Buddhism is. 🙂
I set a few goals for myself last year, and as a review, they are:
- Graduate from NUS – DONE
- Find a job – DONE
- Have at least 20k in my bank account – FAIL
- Visit Australia – 2012?
- Visit Hong Kong – DONE
- Get Grade 8 in Music Theory (ABRSM) – Decided to drop this
- Exercise more
- Stay healthy
- Share more about Buddhism
- Compile a photobook for SNCO’s 10th anniversary – DONE
Not too bad I must say 🙂
Of course, I finally got to actually learn the cello!!! Ahh!! Still am in awed of the mystic law to how things turned out with this, being able to learn from someone who I really think is good 🙂
Things I want to do:
- Improve in percussion skills (work consistently)
- Play cello well (and seriously)
- Be a better person to my family and friends
- Do more kosen-rufu
- More exposure to live music
- live life fuller
- Travel to 2 countries
- Stay healthier
- Work on 1 major photography project
- Have at least 20k in my bank accounts
- Be able to communicate better
- Hit my commission consistently at work
Anyway, had major change of plans today as Desmond’s brother was hospitalised. Going for a DMKK instead of photography outing as originally planned. Pray that he is okay 🙁
Happy New Year everyone!