I know I haven’t blogged about him yet, and I haven’t written anything here. But today, I am actually feeling pretty emotional (time of the month) so I want to write something.
There was a time when I thought that I had the best. That I was being well-loved by another person. But that time was over. And that thought was false.
And what they say is true. You never know what the best is until you have it.
I met Eugene on Aug 2 this year, through jamming with Pinwen and Sihan.
My life hasn’t been the same since. Within a stranger, I felt lots of connections with him. He made me feel comfortable. Rides home after jamming were never the same. In fact, I looked forward more than anything to spending some time with this person.
I was scared at that time though. Scared of falling into another hole and covering myself with sand and insanity. I didn’t like the me when I was in the past relationship and I didn’t want to hate myself again.
But then I thought, “hey, I had the past year to work on myself. I am a different person now.” And, if I was very sure of what I felt, should I give it up?
And I was tested.
My feelings were tested when I found out that I may not be number 1 in his life. That there may be someone else. I was angry at myself again, for thinking that perhaps I may have the chance. Oh, how I remember that night.
I was cautious after that. Scared of being hurt. Scared that I was wrong.
But then everything fell into place.
That Train song? “This Will Be My Year” ? Yup this is my year 🙂
I learnt how a boyfriend should treat his girl properly (I actually discussed this with people, and how I was treated previously was NOT the right way), what being myself meant, what not being worried daily while in a relationship was about, what being a better person meant and how to trust another person again.
It has been almost 3 months, and some may think that it may be too soon for me to be sure. But hey, why not?
Love you Eugene Huang. 🙂