You eat me, I eat you.

It’s a terribly ugly world out there.

I see people being kicked out of their organisations due to issues with people just right above them.

Nice people have to leave because of people above them, and some people just show their ugly true colours just to save their own ass. They don’t even admit that it’s their fault.

I’m facing something at work, and it’s hard to stay positive or objective. The first main reason would be that if the person is not in the same life condition as you, he/she will never listen anyways. And that sucks to the max. No logic = no understanding. They don’t understand you, there’s no point. They want an explanation, we give them, but they still demand for more.

Don’t know if anyone understands?

Felt a little left out yesterday. No connection with anyone.

Feeling more restless than ever.

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Things I am grateful for.

I realise that once in a while, I fall into that stupid trap that makes me get negative and negative and negative. I spent the most of last night thinking about what I should do and why I would fall into that trap. And it’s just very simple: I want more things and am not thankful of the things that I have.

I’d just came across a quote the other day which I guess serves as a warning to me that I didn’t heed.

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After yesterday’s wake up call (which in order to keep the privacy of it and all, I would like to remind my future self to remember the pooh letters), I would say that fear is a really horrible strong feeling that creates unnecessary thoughts. I should constantly remind myself, Fear -> Hate -> Anger -> Pain and Suffering. I think I also need more daimoku.

I haven’t been sooo negative in a long time, which is honestly scary. >.< I really want to thank the person who gave me that wake up call. You know you are reading this. 🙂 Anyway, I think I should schedule this once a month in order to bring myself back to the positives. I may not list down everything, but at least as much as I can think of. Things that I am appreciative of today - My family: That we are all healthy and not broken - My extended relatives: That we are all still in positive contact and communicating - Eugene: That I have a boyfriend who fills the gap that I have in my life and being the other piece of me. For taking care of me constantly and being there all the time. (Where can you find another such awesome person? Nowhere.) And that he is healthy and patient, and so many things. - Midnight: For being in my family and accepting the fact that he is staying with humans. And for being there sometimes when I need a hug hehe - Faith: For being the pet that we can just look at and chat with when we need a listening ear (sounds emo but it's nottt) - SNCO: For being there every week and for giving me loads of opportunities when it comes to performing - SSA: For giving me the chance to know awesome people who can help me with my issues - My friends: For being there when I need them and when they need me. - My job: For giving me lots of chance to learn how to be more sociable instead of being in my shell. For being able to meet new people, and for being able to give me the allowance that I need. - Myself: For constantly trying to strive to become better, as much as I know that I am not perfect. For wanting to be healthy and better. For being alive and not suffering from any major health issues. Look forward, look forward. The past is the past. I have so many things to be happy about and I shouldn't be sad or scared. If things come, they come. There is nothing to fear 🙂

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2012 Review – Major events

2012 was a pretty good year for me! Focused on working on myself, and ended up spending a lot more money and having a lot of fun. Haha. Many things weren’t expected and planned, and I only had a general idea that this year must be an awesome year for me. I ended up with a lot more new experiences than I ever had in 2011.

Hope that 2013 will have more of such stuff!!

1) Travelled to Taiwan for the first time!
Elves Lab company trip! Read about it here.

2) Went on a cruise with my family!
First time on a cruise too! Royal Caribbean.

3) Rhapsody in Spring concert
With Mr Wu Ee Lung and his string ensemble! Made lots of friends.
Read about it here.

4) Played with a pop band at a competition!
Got the opportunity after Pinwen asked me. First time I’m actually the only drummer girl somewhere. Haha. Though we didn’t win, I got a great experience and also got to really see what the industry is like!

5) Got Midnight
😀

6) Travelled to Hong Kong
With Desmond, Kai Lun, and her colleague KT.
Read about it here.

7) Travelled to Bangkok for Danny’s wedding
Got to shoot photos as well and experience a different photographer’s culture.
Read about my trip here!

8) Saw Evelyn Glennie LIVE!
Finally after so many years I got to see her live! Read about it here.

9) Helped take pictures for Danny’s wedding in Singapore
But I think I didn’t do well 🙁

10) Guest played with Xinmin Secondary Alumni at SIBF
First time guest played anywhere! And at a competition too!!

Read about it here.

11) Formed Crayon Parade
With Pinwen, Audrey, Eugene! Though I initially thought it was a one off thing (and was really sad about it), I think CP will come together when there’s opportunity to play. 🙂
Read about our first performance here!

12) Travelled to Bintan
Smaller company trip!

13) Travelled to Tokyo!
In the midst of blogging about it!

14) Eugene <3 🙂
Enough said!

I’m not sure what I really want this year except to be healthier. Maybe more swimming perhaps. Got sick too often too soon! >.< Aiming to also chant more!!!

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If the world ends today.

So apparently, the time that the world will end is on 7.11pm today.

If it really happens, I would say that I have no regrets so far.

Sure, there are still a lot of things that I haven’t done, that I haven’t experienced, but for someone my age, I’ve done about 70% of the things that I wanted to, and that’s not bad I think.

As much as I choose not to believe it, I hope nothing will happen.

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Eugene.

I know I haven’t blogged about him yet, and I haven’t written anything here. But today, I am actually feeling pretty emotional (time of the month) so I want to write something.

There was a time when I thought that I had the best. That I was being well-loved by another person. But that time was over. And that thought was false.

And what they say is true. You never know what the best is until you have it.

I met Eugene on Aug 2 this year, through jamming with Pinwen and Sihan.
My life hasn’t been the same since. Within a stranger, I felt lots of connections with him. He made me feel comfortable. Rides home after jamming were never the same. In fact, I looked forward more than anything to spending some time with this person.

I was scared at that time though. Scared of falling into another hole and covering myself with sand and insanity. I didn’t like the me when I was in the past relationship and I didn’t want to hate myself again.

But then I thought, “hey, I had the past year to work on myself. I am a different person now.” And, if I was very sure of what I felt, should I give it up?

And I was tested.

My feelings were tested when I found out that I may not be number 1 in his life. That there may be someone else. I was angry at myself again, for thinking that perhaps I may have the chance. Oh, how I remember that night.

I was cautious after that. Scared of being hurt. Scared that I was wrong.

But then everything fell into place.

That Train song? “This Will Be My Year” ? Yup this is my year 🙂

I learnt how a boyfriend should treat his girl properly (I actually discussed this with people, and how I was treated previously was NOT the right way), what being myself meant, what not being worried daily while in a relationship was about, what being a better person meant and how to trust another person again.

It has been almost 3 months, and some may think that it may be too soon for me to be sure. But hey, why not?

Love you Eugene Huang. 🙂

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A happy post. :)

Hello!

Hope this doesn’t freak you out if you read it!

Thank you for everything you’ve did for me and for all the Saturdays.

Looking forward to more to come.

You know who you are!! ^^

(Wah so cryptic)

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Just be honest with me.

My life has been rather drama lately. A little too drama to my liking, but I am handling it better than I expect myself to be. Rather, how I thought I would cope. I just handled things as it is, and take things as it comes. I guess this is how I manage to cope well. 🙂

Quite interestingly is how my friends reacted to it. I think even my best friend at work is more shocked than me.

Wait, enough suspense I guess. What happened was my ex got married. How I found out? Not gonna say, but if you know me, if I really want to find out about stuff, I know how to do it. Legally of course. Most of the time I don’t bother, but hey, I’m glad that I don’t feel anything at all actually. It’s like just finding out that an old acquaintance got married despite anything. Haha.

I don’t usually agree to what my office good friend says about relationships (though I do accept them as everyone has the right to free speech and opinions PLUS they’re always a good insight 🙂 ), but what he said is really true. “Getting married at this age it’s either shotgun or stupidity”. I have to agree with this. And knowing the ex, even though I know you all say that he might have changed, the core him will have stayed, and unfortunately, based on how he treated me, I know that there are disaster recipes.

His parents didn’t go, and none of his relatives too.

Well, as long as he is happy.

Anyway, I think this will happen to anyone, ex getting married that is. Only thing different is that it happens to me earlier, and thankfully I’m not still in love with him. Just sad that obviously I wasn’t loved before. But I remembered 2 things that I told him, and obviously it got to him, and he listened!

Ta da! Made an impact on someone’s life after 4 years hahaha 🙂

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So far this year…

Made a few decisions, did a few things:

Travelling
1) Taiwan
2) Malaysia
3) Hong Kong
4) Bangkok

Concerts
1) a1, Blue, Jeff Timmons
2) Jason Mraz
3) Corienne May

Performances
1) SNCO Rhapsody in Spring (with Mr Wu Wind Ensemble)
2) Morning Gongyo (SSA Internal)
3) Battle of the Bands Competition with Riley
4) SIBF guest playing for X-Winds
5) Upcoming SSA Family day (with SNCO and Crayon Parade)

Hmm… these are not a lot and not very exciting…

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Singapore International Band Fest (SIBF 2012) – Guest played


From Yiang Shan’s instagram

About 3 weeks ago, Yiang Shan messaged me to ask if I would be interested to help out in SIBF 2012. For some reason, I thought for about 1 minute, and asked myself “Why not?” and agreed. I were to help out X-Winds (Xinmin Sec alumni band). It was my first time guest playing.

To be honest, I didn’t know where I got that courage from, as I’m usually quite an introvert. But the new me definitely would have agreed.

As I only know Yiang Shan, and for the next 2 immediate practices she wouldn’t be around, I could skip if I want to.

At first, I was a bit worried, as I have never participated in any competitions before, or even guest played. And I don’t think Yiang Shan has ever heard me play so for all that she (and I know), I don’t have any percussion skills at all.

Nevertheless, I went for the final 3 practices.

I would say the practices are all really nice. Everyone treated me well, and the people there are really awesome! Though I have always been in situations where I don’t know anyone, the feeling there was different. In fact, I would say that I felt comfortable being myself and standing at the back of the room with the rest.

The competition happened yesterday, and Daniel (conductor) warned us about the acoustics of RP Cultural Centre, so we played softer and more controlled. A conductor told them that we were the softest amongst all the bands, and we weren’t sure if we were good or bad. Plus the fact that the acoustics made us not able to hear others play properly really gave me an internal sort of panic.

We were able to watch the last band perform, and gosh, the reflections of the sound were just scary. It made everything sound noisy, and I think if I were the adjudicators, I would have a headache.

Anyway, when all was done, and the results came out, X-Winds got Silver! It was a pleasant surprise as Daniel kept saying that they were of SYF Silver standard (which means a Bronze in SIBF).
Well overall, it was a great experience, and it really made me improve as a noob musician. Hanging out with the suspended cymbals also gave me an opportunity to understand it better and the reason of having it around.

It would be a waste if I came out of this with nothing, but yea, glad I did! 🙂

I would like to thank Yiang Shan, Daniel and X-Winds for giving me this opportunity despite my lack of experience, and the so many treats.
Thank you all!!

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SCO Evelyn Glennie – Drumming from East to West

Last sunday, Desmond informed us about Evelyn Glennie’s debut with the SCO this weekend. I was sooo excited that I told myself that I would go no matter what. Haha.

There are 2 performances, one yesterday (1 June) and one tonight (Saturday). My week was so hectic that I totally forgot about it until Thursday. Friends had their stuff to attend to and so I bought a ticket alone.

It was my first time watching the SCO perform, despite reading their articles and interview with their conductor Tsung Yeh many times on the papers. Chinese Orchestra used to be something that I didn’t really enjoy, basing on my past experiences at secondary schools where I watched the other schools CO perform. I used to think that they’re noisy and all, but this slowly changed when I went to NYPCO’s concert once. They’re now playing music that I really can feel and understand.

SCO’s musicians are just too awesome. I recognise 2 cellists who were guest players with SNCO a few months back and gosh, i got quite a lot of goosebumps watching them play. They are that good.

Evelyn Glennie, she’s just amazing. It’s really difficult to describe that feeling when watching her perform. It’s like she and the instruments are together. And to finally get to meet such a wonderful percussionist after so many years is just amazing.

As always, I would like to share this video. All musicians should watch it:

After the concert, I went to queue for her autograph (and the conductor + the other soloist).

Met Wayne too! And oh, I told Evelyn Glennie that I really enjoyed her talk at TED. 😀

Awesome start to the weekend!!
Tickets are still available for tonight!

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